多听，少说.

There are so many lessons to learn as educational leaders, but the most important is always this:

多听，少说.

这是我经历过的惨痛教训. 我曾经幻想自己是一个伟大的辩手, someone who loved to finish others' sentences to show I was right there with them. Didn't this demonstrate that I was actively engaged in the conversation?

I also tend to think out loud as I process new ideas and information and synthesize it. This helps me to understand where the new learning fits into my current schema. Now, that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but knowing when to do it and when not to is key.

In my professional life, listening first is especially important. I first grew my awareness about this as a student of Adaptive Schools and Cognitive Coaching, 来自认知训练中心. One very astute leader required all of us in Education 服务 at the County Office level to participate and become skilled in these protocols and processes. It turned out she was incredibly insightful as this training has informed my work ever since.

我首先想到的是:

倾听，理解，而不是说话.

呀!!! 那句话正中我的下心. 我问自己，我是否在工作中也这样做? 甚至在我的家庭生活中? It was a significant moment of reflection for me to consider in all areas of my life.

Interrupting and imposing solutions sends a variety of messages:

• 我比你更重要.
• What I have to say is more important, interesting, or accurate.
• 我没时间听你的意见.
• 我不在乎你怎么想.

这些都不是我们想要传达的信息. They are simply the unintended consequences of not listening first to understand what is being said.

听起来很容易做到, 先听后说, 但这对我们作为教育领导者的角色来说是一个挑战. There is so much to do that we often find ourselves making overly quick decisions and cutting people off. 换句话说，我们一直在说话——我们说得太多了.

这种情况发生在你身上吗?

作为一个领导者，练习倾听对我产生了巨大的影响.

作为一个新的网站负责人, it took some time to put this into practice but greatly improved my leadership. 一旦我意识到所有的决定, 包括任何不太理想的结果, 只属于我吗, it became clear that I wasn't involving others in decision making. 为了节省时间, I made quick decisions without listening to others and often not even asking for their opinions.

随着时间的推移，我学会了练习积极倾听. I let people talk the whole way through their point without interrupting. 给 people the time to share and communicate is truly a gift--one that is greatly appreciated by the person speaking. This is a very effective way to build relationships and to show you care about what the other person has to say.

我学会了转述他们的话以确保我听懂了. Asking thoughtful questions was a much more effective way to communicate that I heard them rather than to jump to conclusions. Listening often generated solutions that were not thoroughly considered.

In my role as a presenter and facilitator, I also found listening to be effective. When I first started presenting, I told stories, shared examples, and totally overtalked.

一旦我开始练习更多的听力, I gave ownership of the conversation and responses to the audience. They talked and shared ideas and learned much more about concepts through thinking and talking it through with partners rather than hearing a long diatribe from me.

再说一次，多听少说效果最好.

为了有效地倾听，一个人必须全神贯注. You need to face the speaker when standing or come out from behind your desk to sit in a neutral space. Speaking across your desk to someone illustrates that you are the authority. 虽然这有时是必要的, 一对一的对话, try to step out from behind and have a person-to-person conversation.

We also must consider that not everyone talks and thinks at the same speed. 如果你像我一样, you are a quick thinker and have to slow down and allow space for those who process more slowly. They are often your most thoughtful communicators and worthwhile to listen to.

也要注意非语言交流. 什么没有被说出来? 说话者是站着还是坐着, 他/她是无聊还是订婚了, 他或她的手在做什么? 这个人是通过眼神交流还是看向别处? The research is clear that the largest part of the message is non-verbal, so actions while speaking are important to note and will give you strong clues about the feelings of the speaker.

A final tip to showing the speaker you are listening is to paraphrase the feelings you are hearing. Say something like, “So, you’re feeling frustrated or angry, annoyed, upset, or maybe excited.” It is super important to show empathy to build more trusting relationships. Gain more information and solicit deeper thoughts by asking the person to tell you more, 或问, 还有什么? 然后问:“我能为你做些什么??“通常, you will then give a takeaway thought or question to consider rather than an immediate solution or advice.

Active listening will result in big payoffs as you learn more about the people on your team. 你获得了他们的信任，建立了牢固、持久的关系. 作为领导者, 当你说话的时候, 你会得到更多更好的信息, 做出明智的决定, 获得听众的信任, 最重要的是, 人们会倾听.

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Darlene Messinger has vast experience as an educational leader who serves as a professional consultant with proven success and experience in helping schools and districts in their continuous improvement efforts. Darlene began her career as an elementary school teacher in the Fullerton School District before moving into a career in administration serving as an Assistant 主要, 主要, and Assistant Superintendent in the Laguna Beach Unified School District. 今天, Darlene is an active Board Member of ACSA Region 17 and the 导演 of the ACSA Curriculum and Instruction Academy.